There's 2 lines!

Alhamdulillah, praises to Allah. I took the test after being late for 3 days and the result was positive! We later went to see Dr Nooraini of Sunway Medical Center to confirm and get some medication as I have miscarriage history. I am taking it easy now as the morning sickness is slowly kicking in. Imagine, if I had carried all my pregnancies, I would have 3 kids by now. Danial just turned 3 and he's as ready as ever to become a big brother. He keeps calling himself 'Abang', isn't that great?!

One advantage of sending Danial to daycare

I am very proud of Danial. He's not even three yet full of surprises. One fine day, as we're about to have our dinner, Danial just lift his hands and recite doa makan perfectly! Both Azrai and I were astound. My little ustaz. Alhamdulillah, God is great. Our decision to send him to daycare and particularly Generasi is the right decision. He couldn't have started this early had he been at home and raised by a bibik (Indonesian nanny). Yes, there were difficult times when he catches flu, get a fever, coughs, and when his daycare had to be quarantined when there were cases of HFM but we rose to the occasion and ovecomed them. What doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger.

Now I'm injecting the positive mental training to Danial. After the GSC we attended in PD end of August, I practise my success mantra with Danial. Everyday, we'll say 'I'm the best' together. Several times a day. Especially when he starts thumb sucking. It's also a neat trick to get him to stop thumb sucking because when we say our mantra, we have to show both thumbs up. 100% commitment. Maybe he's too young to understand it but it's not too early for the magic of positive thinking to come into play. Tiger Woods, is one that has been exposed to positive mental training from young. When I inculcate the positive mental training to Danial, he'd grow up to reach his full potentials. 100% all the time. Saying the mantra with Danial helps me to give 100% everyday. I have no excuse if I want to make it. I have big goals for myself, for my family. I am the best and I'll definitely make it!

Another milestone for Danial was celebrating his independence by going into the kids' play area in IKEA without parental supervision. Since he's almost three, I thought it's OK to give him a small dose of independence. We went to IKEA last saturday to break fast. We had to go early to get coupons for the break fast buffet so we were there at 6 pm. I signed Danial in 10 minutes after that while Azrai queued for the coupons. He was very eager to go in and didn't even look back when they let him in. I was the one who hesitated and hung around, peeping through the windows to see how he was doing. He went berserk the first few minutes into the play area, trying on anything he can get his hands on. He dived into the pool of balls head first! How my heart burst with pride to see my little hero handled his independence. I was confident enough to leave him there to enjoy himself. After all, it's only for an hour.

How long did his confidence last? I think give and take 15 minutes after I left him and he couldn't see me peeping and peering through the glass. I was reading my book when I decided to check my mobile. True enough, I had a missed call from IKEA. Unruffled, I went to collect Danial. The staff said Danial cried but calmed down when they put him at one corner near one of the staff. He was glad that we came back for him and was ready to go with us. Unlike the other times where we had to pull him out kicking and screaming because he's not done playing. You might say it's a disaster but I still feel it's an accomplishment. Even big kids cry when they are left on their own say when they go to boarding school or away from their parents for the first time. This simply means that Danial needs his mommy and daddy and we'll be there for him, always. His life lesson, even when his alone, he's not alone, we are always there for him.

A wedding

It's the beginning of the school holidays which marks the beginning of the kenduri kawin season. To kick it off, we went to Annisa and Shafiq's wedding reception in Gombak. Coordination was totally haywire from the word go but then who cares so I don't want to even go there. The only person who's totally oblivious of the chaos is Danial. He has a blast wherever he goes all the time. That's the best of child's innocence. As for me, I'm sad that somebody is too proud to come down from her pedestal even in the event of someone's passing. But life goes on. I can only hope that one day she can find it in her heart to forgive.

Every thing reminds me of him

I was on my way to Putrajaya to meet with Kak Haz and go visit Boy's new baby, baby Hazim. I put on my earphones to play some music on my HTC. I just recently added a new playlist which I titled "Blast from the past" which happened together with my quest to put all my childhood pics on flickr to immortalize the memories of my dad. Then one song started playing which reminds me so much of my dad. It's his 'lagu wajib' if he sings karaoke and its "widuri" by Broery Marantika. I can just see him singing the song with his ala Broery imitation. Funny how you the memory can make you smile and feel sad at the same time. Smile because it's good to have the memories but sad because it's all I have left.

Happy Father's Day

Fathers and children
Originally uploaded by Danial Raziq

We celebrated Father's day yesterday, Saturday, 14th June2008at Aunty Zizah's place. Seen here are all the celebrated fathers. I'll use the terms that Danial would use to address them; Datuk with his sons; Azrai (Danial's Babah) holding Danial and Uncle Hazlan and his two girls; Batrisya and Sabrina; his sons-in-law, Uncle Rizal and baby Isabel and Uncle Ghaz with twins Alayna and Natasha.

Mother's Day and the week that was

It's Mother's Day today and it's the best mother's day yet. Danial gave me my first Mother's Day card. My heart just swelled with pride even though the teachers at Generasi (Danial's daycare centre) were the ones who made it.

He can't wait to give it to me when I picked Azrai and Danial up from KL Sentral last Friday to go to Lemon Garden Restaurant, ShangriLa Hotel for Dzareen's birthday dinner (after much thought, I've decided to edit and leave out the age that supposed to come before the word 'birthday'. After all, no woman wants their age to be publicly mentioned in any form of media). Good thing we've coordinated that Azrai was to fetch Danial and to take the ERL from Putrajaya while I hang around Lake Club after my afternoon appointment. The traffic was really heavy as it's Friday night.

We thought we were late when we got to the hotel at 8pm but we were among the early few. Long story short, we had a feast from the buffet spread. There goes my diet!

Yesterday, I dropped Danial off at Setiawangsa and took the LRT with Azrai to KLCC. I volunteered to man the booth for AmBank at the convention centre. I wanted to see if there is a good crowd there to generate leads and I was quite happy to get some during my 3 hour watch. I left at about 3pm to get lunch before heading back to Setiawangsa to pick up Danial and mak and go balik kampung for kenduri tahlil 100 hari Atuk.

Azrai squeezed a half an hour snooze before we head back to kampung. We got there just around Maghrib. Nek Cik Fatimah was there to help out when the rest of Nek Cik Nah's clan has gone AWOL. I was told that Mak Teh was having a kenduri doa selamat of some sort for her eldest daughter who's entering university soon. A few of Tok Ngah's children were also present as they've missed the earlier tahlils. Uncle Sam made a solo appearance; Uncle Has and family and the others I don't really know them by name. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. Rezeki Atuk lepas dia meninggal dunia lagi murah. Takde pun menyusahkan orang and ramai yang datang tahlil. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Atuk Sidek, Amin...

Starting a new life in Singapore

Danial, Azrai and I sent Ami Shahril to the ERL station last Wednesday morning for him to catch his flight to Singapore. As he waved goodbye, and walked towards the ticket booth, I fought back my tears watching him leaving us behind to start his life in Singapore and how simple it was. He's off to start a new life with just a luggage and his computer bag. My little brother is growing up into a man now.

Of course I was happy when he finally got through his Singapore Airlines interview after the third attempt a month before. I knew that I will have this heavy heart seeing him leave. After all, he's been with me ever since I got married and Danial has always known him to be around since forever. Though he travels a lot but I always know that he's coming home. Things are going to be different around the house now. I've been putting off cleaning up his room, maybe I need time to accept the changes.

I've told Azrai recently that I'm living the 'Classic Eldest Child Lifestyle'. By that I mean I'm the only sibling who's still living in the same country as my parents where I can keep an eye on them, settled down with a family and have a certain routine. Have I conform to the norm? the dull and boring? Or is this 'Middle Age Syndrome' kicking in? It's not that I have regrets in life. I think I have regrets for the things I didn't get the chance to do, and not being gutsy enough to do it.

The truth is I was or am melancholic about this whole moving on thing. I'm happy to see my brother getting on in life but sad to see him leave. I know my other brother is having the time of his life in San Francisco. I just feel left behind...

Now I know the real reason for the emotional roller coaster ride! I'm due for my period. Duh!

6th Anniversary

This year around, both of us remembered our anniversary *chuckle*. We're really bad at remembering our own anniversary date when the date couldn't have been easier enough to remember.

It's our 6th anniversary... 6 wonderful years of marital bliss. Half of it was more interesting with Danial in the picture. So, what did we do on our anniversary. After the usual housework in the morning, I called Mak Ot to see if she can babysit Danial for the afternoon. She said OK so we packed Danial up. Seen here, Danial asleep on the way to his Wan Ot's house.

We went to Sunway Pyramid for a late lunch at ...erm.... erm... I can't remember! I'm blogging one month post event! So, anyway, we had food in our tummy and we went window-shopping. Good thing Azrai and I share similar interests so, we can really window shop at places we both like like Apple outlets, Harvey Norman's IT section, places like that. Then, Azrai had this urge to queue at J Co Donut where it seems like the in thing and the donuts are supposed to be the best in town. So, he queued for a good half an hour for a dozen of donuts only to find that it's no really "THAT" good. OK la.

We were going around aimlessly only to gravitate towards the toys section and as a present for our anniversary, Danial gets his ULTRAMAN mask and sword. Azrai was still making amends for the guilt of not keeping a closer eye on Danial which resulted in Danial getting scratched in the eye by a cat. So, all in all, it's a win-win situation where we get to go out just the two of us for a break and celebrate our anniversary, and Danial gets a toy for being a good sport and stayed with Wan Ot.

Unfortunately, Danial gave Mak Ot a tough time when he suddenly remembered us and cried when Mak Ot and Uncle Din wanted to take him out to see Uncle Ali at his TaeKwonDo practise. He refused to go out and wanted to wait for us. I guess he hasn't really got over the being left behind for a few days when we went to Bandung. Good thing, we made it right with the Ultraman mask and sword. He soon forgot why he was upset and put on the mask and ran around with the sword.

Just look at the picture, he wouldn't let us take of the mask and he fell asleep in it driving home from Bangi. My little Ultraman.

Happy 5th birthday Qistina!

We went to Qistina's 5th birthday party last saturday afternoon at McDonald's Mutiara Damansara. Danial had a good time although he was shy at first when there were a lot of unfamiliar faces. Before long, he warmed up and was enjoying the games the bigger kids get to play. Seen in the picture, Danial right in front with the party hat with the rest of the kids. It looks more like Danial's birthday celebration. The birthday girl is missing from the picture as she's afraid of McBurglar.

Makan-makan

After Qistina's party, we sent Danial to Nenek Damansara's house. Azrai and I freshen up a little bit and off we go to Bangsar Village for makan-makan with the other Shamsir Clanners. It was a free and easy get-together at a small place called Fish & Co. But that's where it stops when it comes to small because the serving was quite generous. Everybody was there except Alan and family, An (because he has a date that night) and Ghaz (he has to work). Not in picture is Rizal. The picture however is courtesy of Rizal. The small sacrifice being the man behind the camera, eh Rizal? Among the many topics of discusion, motherhod, parenting, babies and more about babies. Kesian Dzareen feeling left out but Rizal and Azrai took care of that and entertained her. Rizal with his querky ringtones. I like the wife alert tone which my husband wasted no time in downloading. Azrai with his usual antics. All in all, it was a pleasant get-together. We have to call it a night when we were at the risk of being kicked out when they are trying to close the shop for the evening. We enjoyed ourselves. For the rest of the gang, thank you for making that night a success. Those who didn't make it, they'll be a next time.

Looking cool in shades

The weather is getting hotter and hotter and Danial is more aware of the need to wear shades. He's been using Azrai's old Okleys which is way to big for him. So when we went out on our weekend outing to Midvalley, we checked out Toys R Us for a cool shades for him. They do say 'A picture is worth a thousand words' and I am blogging from a phone.

Atuk, a simple man

My atuk (grandfather) went into a coma when he didn't wake up from sleep on Friday (18 January 2008). My aunt took him to the hospital and I went to see him only the next day. I thought I'd be indifferent as I wasn't close to him. But I was sad to see the condition he was in. I couldn't say much but before I left, I held his hand and told him to get better. That was the last thing I said to him before he took his lastbreath.



We got the news a few minutes past midnight on Sunday. Adik went to Seremban to help papa with atuk and everything. Danial has a temperature. We had to take him to Dr. Chan before balik kampung. Adik and papa called me several times to find out where we were but we couldn't be there soon enough as there was quite a number of patients waiting to see the doctor before it's Danial's turn.



We reached kampung at almost 11am. I managed to kiss atuk goodbye one last time. He looked so peaceful and serene. So, beautiful. I tried hard to fought back my tears. They waited a while for Ira as she was driving from Kerteh. When everybody have given their final respect to Atuk, they finish up and kapan him. I'm glad that there were many to perform sembahyang jenazah for Atuk.



Adik was the real super trooper for the day. He did everthing from mandikan atuk, bersihkan dia and kapankan dia sampai ke turunkan atuk ke liang lahad. At least ada sorang cucu lelaki yang dapat buat all that for atuk.

I guess I'm sad because I take the blame for ignoring atuk all these while too. He's such a simple guy who doesn't ask for much. Maybe someone to talk to especially when we balik kampung for raya. Banyak rasa terkilan because I could have done something to make him feel he's part of the family rather than an outcast. I feel that he died a broken hearted man and felt unloved. It's easy to point to Mak Su and Nenek and say how cruel they have been treating Atuk all his life. But I didn't do anything to stand up for him.

I know that Atuk is in a better place now. Allah lebih sayangkan dia and semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Atuk dan masukkan dia di dalam golongan orang yang beriman. For Atuk, I know I should have said it long ago that I love you. You're the best Atuk I've ever known...