Danial, Azrai and I sent Ami Shahril to the ERL station last Wednesday morning for him to catch his flight to Singapore. As he waved goodbye, and walked towards the ticket booth, I fought back my tears watching him leaving us behind to start his life in Singapore and how simple it was. He's off to start a new life with just a luggage and his computer bag. My little brother is growing up into a man now.
Of course I was happy when he finally got through his Singapore Airlines interview after the third attempt a month before. I knew that I will have this heavy heart seeing him leave. After all, he's been with me ever since I got married and Danial has always known him to be around since forever. Though he travels a lot but I always know that he's coming home. Things are going to be different around the house now. I've been putting off cleaning up his room, maybe I need time to accept the changes.
I've told Azrai recently that I'm living the 'Classic Eldest Child Lifestyle'. By that I mean I'm the only sibling who's still living in the same country as my parents where I can keep an eye on them, settled down with a family and have a certain routine. Have I conform to the norm? the dull and boring? Or is this 'Middle Age Syndrome' kicking in? It's not that I have regrets in life. I think I have regrets for the things I didn't get the chance to do, and not being gutsy enough to do it.
The truth is I was or am melancholic about this whole moving on thing. I'm happy to see my brother getting on in life but sad to see him leave. I know my other brother is having the time of his life in San Francisco. I just feel left behind...
Now I know the real reason for the emotional roller coaster ride! I'm due for my period. Duh!
2 comments:
Left behind? In all honesty, I think you have more of a fulfilling life that the two of us combined. You're raising a family, providing a home for your son and being there for our parents. While we're still out here trying to figure out what to do and when or if we're even capable of settling down.
You're normal....
Thanks for letting me see that. The grass always look greener on the other side of the fence...
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