Floria 2007 Putrajaya

Danial and I have been cooped up at home as Azrai has to go to office to clear some stuff before he move to his new office. So, it's been pretty boring and after Azrai came home yesterday, I asked him to take us to Floria 2007. We know it was a flower festival. Nothng much there except flowers, flowers and more flowers but at least it got us out of the house for a while.

Danial was already bathed and in his PJs going around the exhibition ground. Azrai and I were casually dressed that I'm happy to stand behind the camera and leave Danial as the subject matter.

Sleeping in his own bed

Nap time
Originally uploaded by Danial Raziq

We've been busy getting Danial's room ready for him since last week. Azrai and I painted the room light blue fit for our little prince and bought his own bed at IKEA.

Yesterday, the aircon man came to fix the aircon in Danial's room. We spent the afternoon putting together Danial's new bed. Danial helped around of course, just like Bob the Builder.

His room is still bare. We haven't put up any finishing touches yet. So after dinner and a long trip back home, I put Danial in his bed next to his favorite toy and lots of pillows around him. He slept soundly through the night.

Now, he's taking his nap in his room. I've drawn together the curtains and switched on the aircon. He's been asleep for a hour now. How my little boy has grown. It felt like yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital and now he's sleeping in his own room. Soon enough, he won't me let me enter his room...

Now that she's gone...

I had some spotting this morning while I was getting ready for work. So, Azrai rushed me to Sunway Medical to see a gynae. I actually scheduled an appointment this coming saturday to have my first ultrasound and perhaps hear my baby's first heartbeat.

We saw Dr. Noor'Aini. She did a scan. We saw the sac but she said it's too small for an 8 weeks pregnancy and the shape is not right either. Instead of being more round and smooth, it looked like a crumpled, out of air beach ball. As for heartbeat, there was none...

Dr. Noor'Aini said I had a 'missed abortion' where the foetus stopped growing at 6 weeks (as that's was the size of the sac) most probably due by chromosome abnormality. She said there's nothing we can do even if we had come to see her sooner. It will just confirm that the foetus has not grown since 6 weeks.

Maybe it's not meant to be. And it's nature's way of eliminating defects. Dr. Noor'Aini suggested that we go for a second scan to confirm things up before doing D&C; just to give the peace of mind and not to second guess our decision. I'm scheduled for the procedure next week. I suppose it gives us time for a proper closure.

I felt numb but not overly upset. It is sad not to be pregnant but I fully understand why it happened. I don't think I have the strength, patience nor financial means to care for a baby that most probably have complication if the pregnancy continues with chromosome abnormality and God knows that and saves me the heart-ache. I can deal with my miscarriage now but it'll be a life-long battle if the baby came less than perfect.

The one consolation I keep reminding myself is at least I have Danial. This means we get to spoil him a little bit longer. We had just finish painting Danial's room a couple of days before the misfortune happened. We want him to start sleeping in his room now that he's almost 2.

Last night, while getting Danial ready for bed, I told him that his "Dik Baby" is no longer in mama's tummy. I asked him to say goodbye to his Dik Baby and he kissed my tummy and gave it a pat. It was sweet of him. I do hope we'd be able to give Danial a little brother or sister to play with one day.

A day at the zoo

Shhhh!
Originally uploaded by Danial Raziq

We took Danial to the National Zoo (Zoo Negara) last weekend. There was this ad on tv where the kids in a kindy was imitating animal sounds. One in particular was a tiger. So, Danial has been growling like a tiger even since and we thought we'd introduced him to a real life one at the zoo.

We headed to the zoo straight after breakfast at our regular mamak joint. The weather was nice. Not too hot. Danial didn't have to pay to enter the zoo as he's under 3.

We managed to catch the elephant show as we entered the zoo. Danial was really excited and he didn't want to sit in the stroller at all. He ran all over the place.

We spent only 2 hours in the zoo. Danial was getting tired but refused to take a rest. So, we headed out to nenek's place to freshen up.

Standing on the side

Bike
Originally uploaded by Rahim Rahman

I was reading my brother's blog a few days ago and even got the chance to chat with him with Google Talk. He's now into triathlon and just finish his first half marathon last weekend. His blog entry on the triathlon was in great detail that I got tired just reading it.

My brother turned out to be a better blogger than I am. He blogs more frequently than I do and he covers a wide range of topics of things that are going on in his life. When I read his blog I feel that he trully embraces life. He doesn't let life passes him by. He makes the most of it; which puts me to shame. I have lots of wants and goals in life but I haven't actually gotten my hands dirty in getting them. There's still a long list of things I want to do which I haven't taken off my to do list.

But that is looking at the glass half empty. I may not be a marathon runner but I'm proud of the things I've achieved over the years. One of my biggest accomplishment is being a mom. Having Danial is the greatest thing I've ever wanted. And soon, our family will be blessed with another miracle.

So, I guess I'm alright after all. Not everybody can be a marathon runner. I'm content to standing on the side, cheering for my brother when I get the chance to see him in action.

My new toy

Azrai went to Singapore yesterday for work and got me my new Sony VIAO TZ series. It's smaller than an A4 paper with a screen measurement of 11.1 inches. Light as a feather; well not exactly, it's light as a packet of sugar. Azrai got back at almost 1.30am last night and like a kid with a new toy; I was tinkering with my new notebook and had to force myself to sleep at 4.30 in the morning.

The deal is make me more rajin for work! Well, I'm very motivated to go to work now and put my new toy to test.

I'm pregnant!

Alhamdulillah, rezeki bulan Rejab. Middle of July to be exact, I was pretty busy with my unit trust business. Infact, the first day of Rejab, Azrai and I were in JB doing our sales calls. It was a fruitful day for me on top of the fact that I was fasting that day. Azrai wasn't so lucky; he got food poisoning and was practically sleeping on the bathroom floor half of the night after feasting on ikan bakar and lala. Guess the lala wasn't so fresh. The odd thing was, I ate the same thing and I was OK. I admit I didn't eat as much as Azrai did. Maybe my stomach is stronger or maybe his stomach isn't as strong as it used to be.

Anyway, after fasting here and there the first few days of Rejab, I noticed that I should be due for my period already. I thought I'd just continue fasting till get my period but got to calculating the lapse since my last day of period. What do you know, I was three days late. It got my hopes up. Azraididn't want me to jump onto any ideas yet and casually remarked that I might be late due to the fact that I've been fasting and it might upset my cycle. He told me to give it a few more days before I take the home pregnancy test. But, the curiousity was killing me. I had to know and I went out and got myself the test kit. Took the test and it turned out POSITIVE! I was overjoyed!

The internet pregnancy calculator estimated that I was 5 weeks pregnant at that time. So, I waited a couple more days before I went to the GP to take another test. Again, it turned out POSITIVE! The EDD for this baby is 1st of April 2008. All I need to do is to take it easy these few weeks until I passed my first trimester.

This time, I'm going to enjoy my pregnancy. I'm going to take it a day at a time. Being pregnant for the second time, I kinda know what to expect. And touch wood, I don't get any morning sickness. In fact, my symptoms are very minimal. Initially, I loss appetite. That's why I was looking forward to fasting as I can go through a day without any hunger pangs. Only recently my appetite came back and I can eat almost anything. I've got sweet tooth too.

Though I ought to take it easy. This time around, I'm not as lazy as I was when I was pregnant with Danial. I couldn't stand looking at dirty things or mess. When my request to get my car washed fell on deaf ears, I took the task of doing it myself and went the extra mile with vacuuming the interiors as well.

So in my To Do list, I've to recall all Danial's stuff that I've loan out to people. Not that urgent but it's good to put a note to follow up later.