Big time bummer

I have no intentions of becoming a stay at home mom even though I adore Danial. I feel that I can contribute to the household income if I'm out there working. It's no rocket science. It is as plain as day. Then the 'but' comes in... But it's not that easy especially I don't have a maid or nanny for Danial.

I thought grandparents would jump at the opportunity to babysit their grandchildren. What more if it's their first but I can't be more wrong. Or maybe it's exclusively my misfortune. This morning, I tried to make arrangements to have Danial's granny to babysit him tomorrow while I go and see a prospective investor , I received a reluctant answer from my own mother. She agreed but not enthusiastically. What more, she can criticize my parenting methods; saying that I don't use 'buaian' to put Danial to sleep, I don't give him pacifier, and all that makes it all the more difficult for her to babysit her only grandchild! What nerve! I'd rather take a flat "No" than her criticism.

So, I thought I'd swallow my pride and just leave Danial with my mom and go for my appointment but I was upset. It's true that only your loved ones can hurt you. I don't take any nonsense when it comes to my baby and our parenting choices. I'm left with one last option, to ask a favor from my mother in law. I didn't ask her in the first place because,

1. She's 74 while my mom is 54.
2. She's a cancer survivor, she has some good days and some not so good days.

No doubt, it was a resounding 'Yes'. You can hear the immediate excitement in her tone at the prospect of having Danial to play with. I just feel relief that at least this granny loves Danial unconditionally even though she already has 4 other grandchildren. I've always thought that's the way it should be. Grandparents would just do anything for their grandchild. But, today, my own mother disproved the general hypothesis.

So, I went back to my mother via short messaging on the mobile and told her that the arrangement is off and I won't trouble her with Danial ever again. And knowing my mother, she'd want to have the last word. She called me back on my mobile time and time again, I chosed to ignore her. She called home too. I unhook the phone because it was disturbing Danial's nap. Furthermore, I don't want to deal with her yet or I might say something I regret. No matter how upset I am with my mother, as a daughter, I still have to watch what I say or do. It's something I pick up from my brothers. Though they are younger than me, they sure are wiser when it comes to dealing with our mother. The general philosophy is, 'If you can't argue with her, stay away'. Boy really outdid it by choosing to live in the States. As for Adik, his job as a Malaysia Airline steward is a solace and my house is a haven if he's not flying.

Since she couldn't get me on the phone, she short texted me and sounded as though I blew this out of proportion and she appeared to be the hurt party. Talk about turning the table on you! My mother is a pro at inflicting guilt on others. That's one reason I don't want to talk to her as yet. I thought having done her Haji in Mekah would make her a better person. Nope, she's still the difficult person to deal with before her trip to Mekah. Nothing has changed. Good thing I didn't have such high hopes for that or I'm in for another big time bummer

As for my appointment, it was cancelled. It turned out to be I don't need a babysitter after all. All the heart ache for nothing... Well, C'est la vie