I had some spotting this morning while I was getting ready for work. So, Azrai rushed me to Sunway Medical to see a gynae. I actually scheduled an appointment this coming saturday to have my first ultrasound and perhaps hear my baby's first heartbeat.
We saw Dr. Noor'Aini. She did a scan. We saw the sac but she said it's too small for an 8 weeks pregnancy and the shape is not right either. Instead of being more round and smooth, it looked like a crumpled, out of air beach ball. As for heartbeat, there was none...
Dr. Noor'Aini said I had a 'missed abortion' where the foetus stopped growing at 6 weeks (as that's was the size of the sac) most probably due by chromosome abnormality. She said there's nothing we can do even if we had come to see her sooner. It will just confirm that the foetus has not grown since 6 weeks.
Maybe it's not meant to be. And it's nature's way of eliminating defects. Dr. Noor'Aini suggested that we go for a second scan to confirm things up before doing D&C; just to give the peace of mind and not to second guess our decision. I'm scheduled for the procedure next week. I suppose it gives us time for a proper closure.
I felt numb but not overly upset. It is sad not to be pregnant but I fully understand why it happened. I don't think I have the strength, patience nor financial means to care for a baby that most probably have complication if the pregnancy continues with chromosome abnormality and God knows that and saves me the heart-ache. I can deal with my miscarriage now but it'll be a life-long battle if the baby came less than perfect.
The one consolation I keep reminding myself is at least I have Danial. This means we get to spoil him a little bit longer. We had just finish painting Danial's room a couple of days before the misfortune happened. We want him to start sleeping in his room now that he's almost 2.
Last night, while getting Danial ready for bed, I told him that his "Dik Baby" is no longer in mama's tummy. I asked him to say goodbye to his Dik Baby and he kissed my tummy and gave it a pat. It was sweet of him. I do hope we'd be able to give Danial a little brother or sister to play with one day.
We saw Dr. Noor'Aini. She did a scan. We saw the sac but she said it's too small for an 8 weeks pregnancy and the shape is not right either. Instead of being more round and smooth, it looked like a crumpled, out of air beach ball. As for heartbeat, there was none...
Dr. Noor'Aini said I had a 'missed abortion' where the foetus stopped growing at 6 weeks (as that's was the size of the sac) most probably due by chromosome abnormality. She said there's nothing we can do even if we had come to see her sooner. It will just confirm that the foetus has not grown since 6 weeks.
Maybe it's not meant to be. And it's nature's way of eliminating defects. Dr. Noor'Aini suggested that we go for a second scan to confirm things up before doing D&C; just to give the peace of mind and not to second guess our decision. I'm scheduled for the procedure next week. I suppose it gives us time for a proper closure.
I felt numb but not overly upset. It is sad not to be pregnant but I fully understand why it happened. I don't think I have the strength, patience nor financial means to care for a baby that most probably have complication if the pregnancy continues with chromosome abnormality and God knows that and saves me the heart-ache. I can deal with my miscarriage now but it'll be a life-long battle if the baby came less than perfect.
The one consolation I keep reminding myself is at least I have Danial. This means we get to spoil him a little bit longer. We had just finish painting Danial's room a couple of days before the misfortune happened. We want him to start sleeping in his room now that he's almost 2.
Last night, while getting Danial ready for bed, I told him that his "Dik Baby" is no longer in mama's tummy. I asked him to say goodbye to his Dik Baby and he kissed my tummy and gave it a pat. It was sweet of him. I do hope we'd be able to give Danial a little brother or sister to play with one day.
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